Saturday, July 31, 2010

My Mojo is Back ... Yeah Baby!

Okay, I haven't posted anything lately that relates to the book, so I figured I should get back on track. 

Of course I will continue to mix things up a bit.  I aim to impress not depress with a litany of fine literary musings.   I am a hot mess of a trip.  I crack myself up, but I digress ...

It has been a little over four years since I started working on the book and there were a slew of bumps and hurdles along the way.  They say that death comes in threes, and that's exactly what happened.  Shortly after my mother died, her 1st cousin died and then my father's mother passed.  This all transpired within the span of two years, and I just couldn't bring myself to write.  It's weird because I initially approached the project with so much energy and enthusiasm that I thought the book would be completed in a year.  It's shocking how life can take a toll on you to the point where you're no longer motivated.  Life kicked me in the backside, and I just decided to lie down so it could get a real good view, make sure that it wedged its boot in really good.  I was physically and emotionally drained.

Nevertheless, I never once stopped thinking about the project; it was always on my mind, and I would periodically attempt to crack open my laptop and write or post something on the Google group, but I just couldn't do it, at least not as regularly as I would have liked.  Emotionally, I just wasn't ready. When I attempted to write my own entries, I would breakdown before I could complete a sentence.  

I did manage to write a few things here and there but those writings were, until recently, incomplete.
I threw myself into both work and school to cope, and I welcomed the distractions, no matter how fleeting they were.

Ironically, I didn't really start to miss my mother, really miss her, until about 2 years after she had died.  By that time, I had completed school, had a salaried position and my own apartment.  I had achieved the goals that I had set for myself at the time, so I slowed down and when I did, her absence was greatly felt.

I cannot recall exactly what reactivated my mojo.  I was definitely concerned that those whose submissions were selected for the compilation would want to know what was going on.  I certainly would.  I didn't want to give anyone the impression that the book was merely a scam to steal others' work.

I think that there was something going on internally that also made writing a bit easier. Perhaps it was just time passing to the point where it hurt a little less, yet the pain tended to resurface with the same degree of intensity at times, sometimes hurting just as much as it did when she had first died.  Time cannot be the sole answer.

 It may very well be a combination of various factors that twisted the top off of the creativity bottle and allowed the juices to flow again.  Whether it was time, concern about reconnecting with those who had made submissions, and/or a particular individual (Mr. Archbold) who whispered words of encouragement into my ear, one thing is definitely for certain.  I got my mojo back ya’ll!


roy/elisabeth dean said...

I can completely understand your absence....sometimes you just have to disappear for a while and re-load!
I'm so sorry to read of your Mom's death. Cancer really sucks!
Thank you so much for stopping by my place and offering up prayers and good thoughts~
I will probably disappear soon as well....

TalkaboutCancer said...

Thank you Roy. Yes. Cancer certainly sucks!!!